Shit's keeping me awake at night..

Now I know that in my last post I said I have pretty much given up on everything positive. But for some reason, she is still on my mind. I can't explain why, and it's really driving me insane, well even MORE insane.

I wish I knew why my mind is implying she's important enough to keep me from sleeping every night...

Maybe it's because I probably won't see her again, I dunno..

I just wish I could understand my own mind sometimes...

This Sinking Feeling..

Warning: the following is a rant, not just any kind of rant, it's a depression-fuelled, given-up-on-hope, emotionally distraught kind of rant. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of whiny emo bitches complaining about how shit their life seems, leave this blog post NOW...

I hate this sinking feeling, you know the one, where you think everything is going so perfectly that nothing could possibly f*ck it up. Then one thing, one tiny thing like the movement of a butterfly's wing goes ahead and completely ruins everything and any hope or chance of repairing what has been damaged.

I have had the great displeasure of experiencing this feeling multiple times in just the past month, My life has just seemed to kind of start to spiral downward. With that said, I feel as though I've just given up.. Not on everything, just the basic things that make someone human, i.e. Love, Joy, Happiness, etc.. All positive feelings in general.

So this is what it must feel like to be an 'empty shell'...

I hate this sinking feeling...

Sorry if this kinda emo shit annoys you, but I had to get it out there, also if you read this despite the disclaimer I put right at the start, then please keep your negative "lololol you emo faggot" comments to yourself for the time being..

Damn Cats...

Captain's Blog, Stardate: 10711.1...

I have just awoken to the sounds of an irritating, horny feline outside my window, normally I would simply get up, cuss at it, and close my windows, only slightly irritated. But this time is different, this wasn't just any other rude awakening, it was a rude awakening from one of the most interesting dreams I've had in quite a while...

It started of as any normal school day. Well, save the whole getting out of bed ordeal.. Cut to walking to the bus stop, like every other boring morning, but today is a lot different, except that everything still does look as it does at this moment, but alot more Autumn-ish, but that wasn't what had my main attention. No, what it was, was that there were some peculiar, out-of place characters at my stop, waiting with me for the bus, as the occasional random, rare cyclist that rode past. The people waiting for the bus stop all seemed to have an actual significance to my life at the moment, whom shall all be unnamed here, all seemingly indicating Love, Jealously, and Sympathy. When I made it to the bus stop, "Love" (who for some reason was kinda far from where she actually lives) was standing by her own, away from everyone, but as I went to finally talk to her, "Jealously" stole my spotlight, and took the chance right from my hand, but good old "Sympathy", who always had my back, told me not to worry about it, as I'll get to her eventually, just not right now..

Seemingly mirroring my life from the past two-three weeks...

But that's not all that happened.. ( Please mind, that from here on, is exactly what happened bit by bit, in my mind. And as a warning, it may seem to get silly and interesting at the same time.. I mean silly and interesting to end..)

Immediately after being "cock-blocked" by "Jealousy" (ironically), the bus came around the corner like usual, but today it was a completely different bus, more like a public transport bus. As I got on and took a seat, I looked out the window as it started to rain, Love was still standing at the same spot not moving for the bus, like not moving at all, I shook it of as just catching a different bus for some reason, while also being in deep thought, as she seemed to be staring into space. I looked around the bus as we started moving, I saw many unfamiliar faces who normally caught this bus, but, the people and the seat behind me were quite a familiar pair of faces, The Doctor and Donna, I mean from the show, right there on the bus, silly as it sounds. Anyway, he struck up a conversation with myself and a man sitting directly opposite the aisle from him named Jack, I thought he looked familiar somewhere but I couldn't just put my finger on it...

As the bus continued on it's usual route, the four of us had side splitting conversations about the wildest stuff, (of which escapes my mind at the moment), but then we went into a strange tunnel, when I say strange, I mean My'bus-doesn't-go-through-a-tunnel-at-any-point-normally strange. This made me slightly nervous as I wasn't sure where the driver was taking us, I looked at the other three, and they also had concerned looks upon their faces, knowing that there was something wrong about the bus, the driver, and it's destination. But before any of us could do anything, people, other people started disappearing from their seats into thin air, the lights of the tunnels were the only source of light in the bus but only for sudden periods of time, every time light cracked through for the split second it was around, more people where gone than before. The Doctor told us to just close our eyes, which I did, before I could tell if anyone else even heard him, when I asked him what was going on, I got no reply. Then a face, a sort of blank, expressionless face appeared in my closed-eyed vision everytime the quick tunnel lights shone through my eyelids. Each time it was getting closer and closer, I heard someone say "Don't look into it's eyes!" It sounded like Jack, but I wasn't too sure, the only thing I was sure of was that I wasn't the only one seeing it. It tried to avert my attention into the darkness of my blind vision, which was hard as the face kept growing and growing, starting to look slightly angrier each time, as it grew only the top half of it's face was in my periphery, not from where I was looking, but because of the size of the face now...

The last thing I remember from the dream was finally falling into it's irresistible gaze, then the cats woke me up... Damn cats...

Well, I thought I would post this as a way to pass the time until the cat looses it voice or gets bored, which it has, as it is quiet outside now..

Share your thought's on my strange sleep adventure if you wish, thanks for reading and all.. I'm off to try and see if I can get this dream back up..

A Quick little post before I go..

well, this is going to be, as the title says, a quick post.

I just have to say that my life is at an all time high at the moment, and I feel as though nothing can bring me down... :D

Journal-thingy Entry #3

..Captain's log, Stardate: 10633.9..

(..yes, If you didn't pick up on it, Star Trek reference)

Anyway, I have chosen to do another one of these entries as I have enough material to make it of suitable length.

Well, I missed the bus today, half on purpose though.. just for a change, I guess. Kinda regret it though.. ended up missing out on two hours of precious xbox and free internet time..

I am also trying to broaden my favouring styles of music, for variety's sake, recently, I have been exposed to quite a unique musician, I'm sure some readers know who I am referring to..

Finally, In the not so distant future, I shall be getting a job, yes, this may not seem like that big of deal and may also come as a surprise to some, but yeah, I just thought I'd put it out there..

Well, it didn't turn out to be as great as i initially planned, but you know, it's just a journal entry

Memories..

Every child fears under their bed. If they don’t, they fear the closet, or maybe that little crack in the almost closed door.

Scientists know that children are more perceptive, they see things adults don’t. They aren’t yet tethered into only accepting what society wants them to accept. They see what is truly there.

They see the monsters.

If you were to borrow a child’s eyes and see through them for a night, you would go insane. To be able to see what you only dimly remember, burrowing into your covers while wearing those little stripy pajamas, hoping to a God you can barely comprehend that “it” doesn’t see you back…would drive an adult crazy. Because Adults forget the rules.

1) Cover yourself. If you can’t see it, it can’t see you. Even if it makes it harder to breathe.

2) Don’t make a noise. Every whimper can lead to destruction.

3) Don’t move. It attracts their attention.

4) Only light can make them go away. Bright light. Flashlights make it worse.

Teens are caught in the middle. They still feel what’s there, but they cannot see… and they forget the rules….

Why do you think there are so many insomaniacs typing at their computers, subconsciously praying the light from their monitor will be enough to keep them away?

It’s not. Now look behind you with a child’s eyes and try not to scream.

Ode to Legend that was Cliff Burton..

Cliff Burton was sent down from God to be a legendary bassist and make sure Metallica stays metal as heck. By the age of 6 months, he had played piano for a total of 4 hours and nonetheless rocked hardcore, even though the piano is decidedly non-metal. At the age of 3 he began his domination of the bass world. He got ridiculously good at it, and by his teens he was the most popular person on Earth because he was so godlike at bass. Since he was so awesome in every way possible, everyone wanted him to be in a band, so he joined a band called "Tr00ness Causes Trauma" but that would soon end.

Since he was sent down to Earth to make Metallica epic, God randomly made James Hetfield call Cliff Burton and by surprise, Cliff Burton would only go if they brought him to a McDonald's in some other city since they didn't sell yogurt in the city they were currently in. When Metallica relocated in some other city's McDonald's, they only sold Ice Cream but Cliff Burton didn't mind so they stayed there and Cliff joined the band.

Cliff Burton was visited by Lars Ulrich's father, Gandalf the Grey, and received a ring that was said to give ultimate power on the guitar. Cliff teamed up with Lars Ulrich, James Hetfield, some scene faggots, and the Burger King to destroy the ring once and for all. He was attacked by many tourbuses along the way who coveted the ring, but Harry Potter came upon a broom and switched from the dark side a.k.a. the Megadesu-holy-shit-Dave-Mustaine-can't-sing-if-his-balls-were-attached-to-a-voice-activated-nuclear-bomb side. He used his coitus interruptus spell on Kirk and James along the way and cleared a path to Mt. Fade. Dave Mustard, angry with the betrayal of Harry Potty, sent hoards of Tour Buses to attack Cliff. All of the scene faggots died, for a good cause. Nobody missed them. The Burger King kind of just disappeared due to his contract expiring with Cliff Burton a.k.a. BASS-GAWD-with-the-wah-pedal-that-doesn't-abuse-it-like-Kirk-Hammett. On the way up to Mt. Fade, James Hetfield stole the ring. Cliff gave up and went back to playing the bass. Lar's father, Gandalf, decided that James was a good keeper of the ring, but warned him that it will eventually corrupt him. Between the 90's/St. Anger era, that exact thing happened. Gandalf later showed up at Jame's sexy party to bitch slap him and take the ring back until the second reincarnation of James Hetfield, the Chuck Norris of thrash metal.

After recording those Uber-sweet albums, the band went on a Uber-sweet tour, and then the Pagen god of pop went to go kill Cliff Burton because he was the source of Metallica's epicness. Obviously, in order to stop a force that awesome, one has to destroy the source, and when Cliff Burton was battling Kirk Hammett in an epic Yu-Gi-Oh duel to decide who was going to sleep on the top bunk in their inappropriately crappy tour bus, the pagan god made Cliff Burton draw the left arm of Exodia the Forbidden One and win.

While Cliff was sleeping on the top bunk, the pagan god returned to accomplish his vague plan. He created a patch of banana peels to make the bus slip. The bus went over this patch of banana peels like nothing, but then out of nowhere, the bus ran over nothing and Cliff Burton flew out the window in one of the most epic real-life stunt sequences never captured on film. Cliff walked away with a few broken bones and a sprained ankle, but he fully recovered within 45 minutes.

Since Cliff didn't die, the "Final Destination" effect kicked in, making freak accidents meant to kill Cliff Burton happen everywhere he went. Since Cliff Burton had an impenetrable aura of sheer awesomeness, he dodged all of these occurrences, causing everyone else to get hurt. Ex-drummer (now trashcan banger) Lars Ulrich lost his drumming skills due to a potato hitting him in the head that made him lose 3/4 of his brain functions. This potato-based attack was a feat not pulled off since the gangstas did it during the potato famine of 1956 at Hoodstock.

Eventually, Cliff Burton's life ended when the band was touring again and Cliff Burton was as high as a kite (on metal, not drugs. Cliff is too cool for marijuana.) while the band went past the same road with the banana peels. Cliff Burton realized that then was a good opportunity to allow the pagan god to succeed in killing him, as the world would spontaneously combust if any more albums were made with him involved. Cliff then jumped off the roof of the bus, fell 400 feet down the side of a mountain into a pile of rusty nails, got up, and drank cyanide, kindly provided to him by the pagan god. However, even these events could not kill Cliff, so he climbed the Stairway to Heaven (after killing the pagen god of pop for being such a failure) and rented an apartment where he currently resides.

Ever since Cliff had passed, Metallica hired a new bassist named Jason Newkid, who wasn't as epic as Cliff Burton. Ulrich began to lose so many brain cells that he convinced James Hatfield to put more emphasis on his country stylings. As these crappy albums were being made, Lars slowly lost his drumming skills and Lars convinced James to start yodeling and Kirk to leave his wah pedal on ALL THE TIME. Lars also convinced the band to cut their balls off. Lars officially became a pussy.

As Lars was doing all these weak doings, Cliff Burton watched in disappointment as the band he loved, started to die.

Cliff is now in heaven eating banana peels and teaching dead n00bz people how to be ever epic, hoping that someday, a band will be epic forever.

BE ADVISED: Every time there is a storm and you hear what you think is thunder, it isn't thunder. It is just Cliff's freaking incredible bass playing during a jam session with Jesus and his all star thrash metal band (Ronnie Dio, Keith Moon, Jim Morrison, & Jimmy Hendrix).

Something kinda new..

Hey ya'll how ya doin? ←(That's a rhetorical question by the way... you don't have to answer it...)

Before I start, I must warn you, this post is going to be a lot less like my usual post, this is a special edition, if you will, of a big rant, so if you have come to my blog for some laughs, you may be quite dissapointed, as there will be little in this post.....

Firstly, hot off the press of a MSN conversation with a lovely friend of mine, is the subject of online social predators, or pedophiles, as simply put. Now I know we all hate them, but you hate them quite a substantial amount more when they are associating with your friends, this is happening to most of us right now, and I dunno about you, but I am really disgusted by all these 30-40 year old virgins who still live in their mother's house and whose ideal weekend means a whole 48 hours of non-stop MMORPG's. I think these people should just grow a pair of grapes and leave the house for once, and find some physical friends who exist... who's with me, seriously..

These people don't understand how much it crushes one's self-esteem, confidence and social life, it makes them feel uncomfortable to do most things and leaves them as a sad, antisocial, slightly violated shadow of their former self.

Another, much less serious thing, is those douchebags who always take pictures of themself in the mirror, with or without their shirts pulled up, it's like, dude, reality check: most decent, respectable people like an ugly motherfucker with a nice personality, much more than a stuck-up bag of muscle, with none at all.

Also, if you need a goddamn mirror to help take a decent photo then WTF is wrong with you?! do you not have a decent focus to keep a camera parallel for a few seconds?! And why is the the camera/phone in the picture anyway? All these aspects i like to contribute to a new category or photography I like to call "FAIL Photography".

Seriously WTF?!

Well, that's all I can think up for now..

...So in conclusion, when we look at the timline of human society from the past century, you will notice a rather obvious decline in recent years...that is when you have to think to yourself when the fuck did mankind become so freaking stupid???

Well I hope you enjoyed this rather poor rant as much as I did writing it, or maybe even more. I dunno, just read it and tell me what you think...

First Ever Post!!! OMG WTF BBQ WALLHAX!!!!

So here I am, on Blogspot, posting my very first blog, all my other friends have posted blogs so i thought "Oh what the hell" and decided to do it too.

At this point of the blog, I am not sure what to write, should I introduce who I am or just get straight into business, although I already am into the business of it, just so you know, i am writing down everything that pops into my head as i go.... so hold on, it's gonna be a bumpy, confusing road, excuse me for a second......ok, i just had to change the song that was playing, You're Beautiful by James Blunt... but don't worry it's Killswitch Engage now, so it's fine, hey, least it wasn't shit by some talentless queers *cough* Shit Stack & Justa Beaver *cough* Very subtle...

See how it goes, it pops in my inner mind monologue (the live transcript in my head), it goes on here, sorta like an online diary... yeah sure, call it crazy or whatever you want, but I just think that the capacity in my concience shouldn't be wasted on thoughts kept inside, theres alot of better things that can go there, like....other stuff, i might come back to that later or not.

So anyway, about me, I am a slighty abnormal teenager nearing the 15th Step in the Stairway of Life, I attend Bundy High (as most of you should know) and I plan to go through to year 12, or at least as far as I can get before snapping or what-not. I have great friends, I wouldn't trade 'em for anything, not even a perfect life or even a rocket car. I play guitar in my to-be band, it's not exactly a band yet because we haven't played a song yet and some of us are still learning the art of our instruments. But one day I believe we will be able to play one song, yeah, I set the bar low there, but ya know, you gotta start somewhere...

Oh and btw, I know i have major errors in my blog title, but who cares, if you sound it out it still sounds relatively the same...like you still know what it says in English anyways...

Well, I dunno bout you all, but I think this is a pretty solid first Blog...

Till next time,

This is Me signing out..